“…he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
– Dalai Lama on the most surprising thing about humanity
What am I doing here?
Why am I spending Saturday night in front of a monitor, next to a sliding door that shields me from bitter cold, writing a blog in this solitary confinement while the girl I love and the friends I rely on are playing cards and having drinks 700 miles away?
What kind of life am I living by giving up all the things that make me happy so I can collect a bigger paycheck? Is this really the person I’ve become?
No, it’s not. I told myself that I couldn’t start a family without financial security; that I wouldn’t make a promise to a woman, that I wouldn’t bring a child into the world that I wasn’t absolutely sure would always be provided for. The food, shelter, and health of that future family depended on a stable and sufficient income and the math was undeniable.
Still, though… I live alone, four states away from everyone that makes me happy?
My plans have been to propose the change in May. I’ve made it clear to my boss and his boss (not to intentionally quote a song) that my heart is in Ohio. As I sit here tonight and look at the picture my girlfriend sent me and realize that captured moment in time is the only moment in this entire day that I’ll get to see her, I realize that May was a bit ambitious. I know I have to prove myself and make a business case and help the team adjust to the transition and all that, but I can’t spend five more months like this.
My priorities are shifting but I have to put a plan into action… tonight, I begin drafting plans to leave Minnesota before the snow melts. May is not an option.
So this is one of my shorter blog entries.. I wasn’t doing it so much to share my thoughts with the world as much as I just needed to get it off my chest. Some of the coolest people in the world are chilling in Elyria, Ohio tonight and it’s not easy for me to be missing from that scene. I’ll be home soon, one way or another.