Jagermeister and the Loss of Youthful Metabolism

Today’s page of my Classic Dave Barry Page-A-Day calendar (yes, I’m old and he’s funny) included this excerpt:

The truth is that – and I speak here as a trained humor professional – women are definitely more interested in muscles than a sense of humor.  You will never hear a woman say: “I wish Brad Pitt would put his shirt back on and tell some jokes!”

Decades ago in 2002, when I met my girlfriend, I was a spry 140 pound young man.  I also had never used the word spry, but that’s not the point.  I was going through a point in my life where, because of some missing blocks of time from my teens, I was living a straight edge lifestyle.  I was pretty committed to the mantra that if you put bad things into your body, the outcome will be bad as well.  Of course, I also benefited from the metabolism of a 22 year old guy as well.

As years went on, I slowly (and by slowly I mean quickly) picked back up on social drinking with Kristin and her friends.  Each year required, of course, progressively more alcohol to achieve the same effect and while my metabolism was slowing, my intake of the carb-filled German herbal liquer that I love so much was accelerating.

That’s the part that pretty much everyone already knows.  If you’ve seen me since turning 30, I look like a dude who used to be in his 20s but then suddenly wasn’t.

Since moving from Cleveland (ranked 15th fattest city in America by Men’s Fitness) to Minneapolis (ranked #1 fittest city in America by ACSM), walking down the street has become an eye-opening experience.  Also, people walk down the street here.  Or bike.  Or jog.  It becomes apparent very quick that an overweight Clevelander is from out of town when a meeting is three floors up and he’s the only one that passes the stairs on his way to the elevator.  They called out, “the steps over here!”  They hadn’t even considered that I was going for the elevator… they just thought I was lost.

I’m happy to say that I’m walking and taking the stairs more… not quite up to my 7th floor cubicle, but maybe someday.  I’ve been in Bloomington for eleven days and have only drank once compared to the typical three or four nights a week.  I’ll never have that metabolism back (*sniffle*) but I’ve managed to drop six pounds already.  One good habit leads to another… I jumped on the elliptical tonight at the local gym for a ten minute workout.  It feels good to be on the right track.

I guess the moral of today’s post is that anyone can do this.  Alcohol has long been an outright addiction for me and I’ve been sober for a week.  Fast food was my go-to option and I’ve ate out once in the past week at a gathering of friends that took place at a bar and grill.  Sitting on my ass was my forte but those stairs become awfully appealing when you can squeeze into your old pants with the 34 inch waist.  Seriously, I had every bad habit at once and I’m doing it… no excuses, people!

I’m treating myself to a tasty meal of my choice every time I hit another 5 pounds lost and keep it off for a week.  I just hit 190 and I’m calling that burger last night my treat.  At 185, it’s gonna be some fettucine alfredo.  I’m hoping to be there in about three weeks.  Gotta make the goals realistic if you want to feel like you’re moving in the right direction.

Best of luck to everyone who decides today, tomorrow, next month or next year that the time has come to mold yourself back into the rock star you used to be, back when you could tear apart a large pizza and a 2 liter in one meal without gaining a pound.

Or was that just me?